Bearing of the Soul.

Some things can never be experienced by a 33 year old man.  But I can hear the stories and glean the experience through expression, the memories, and being with the other. To know, and experience, what makes them tick.  I want to know and give you what gets them off, not just sexually, but as a human being and person. That magick (the one 2 people can share when they share themselves) that is being as one. That is what I am looking for. That is what I would love to find and explore.

A Prayer For Offensive/Murderous/Thieving Officers "Of the Law"

For officers of the law I have this prayer for you:


When you have served your time as an officer and you are now free to be retired:




May you be tortured and sadistically tormented by one that you trust and pay for care from.
May you experience a debilitating stroke/illness that allows you nothing but feelings and sensations of the outside world. May your ability to speak and reach out to your loved ones and society be taken from you so your torturous hell is your fate and relief is unavailable to you while your crippled body still takes in breath.
May a care giver take sick and sadistic pleasures in torturing you in your defenseless state.  May they take away all that you hold sacred and that you suffer these tortures for decades in a silent hell. May your family come to see you and only pity your state and not your conditions. (For they feel you are in the best care.)
May those you depend upon take all that you worked for. May they steal and take from you as you are forced to watch and you can do nothing to stop them. May they assault and abuse you if you try to stop them and may they go unpunished for any crime against you.  May any injuries you sustain be written off as self inflected or excused away.
And for you, I can only hope Hell is real and eternal.  May you forever suffer for your sins against the trusting public who needed you to do your job.


Hail, Satan!

Returning to the Black Arts

Returning to the Black Arts.
        After many years of working with whiter magick, I have decided that the blacker end of religious philosophy is still my main stay.
        After years of deep study of the dark arts I have found that a return has been a blessing unto me.  One does always have to keep a balance of the "checks they have out", as LeVay would put it, when using dark and Satanic forces. Always know there is a balance to all things and one should never try to have too many magickal forces out from oneself at the same time.  Just like that bounced check, you will find what you desired, as results, will be returned and you will have to pay back in full (with extra) to cover your insufficient abilities/balance. The balance is a much finer line when one uses the arcane arts that are black in nature. But the results can be wonderful.
         One can watch their enemies crumble, one can watch blessings come to those you love and care about.  But, if you do not check those balances you will find the full opposite to take place.
         The restudy of the literatures and practices have been of a wonderful bit of individual therapy for me and watching those who would come against me suffer has been beautiful.  I have loved the comforting knowledge that no evil befalls those who do not deserve it.  It is as if Karma protects those who are without blame, but one does get the release of ritualized expulsion of excessive emotions.

Dreamz of the Baphomet

       The Baphomet has been in my dreams several times in the last few nights. These dreams are always of a sexual nature.  The Baphomet is before me like a symbol of sexuality and carnal passion.  Always there before a sexual encounter but I never have a climax or orgasm of my own during these dreams.
       Though my partners are stunning, beautiful, and everything I find attractive in a lover I do not cum. They are fully interested in having me as their partner, even if they want others there too.  They want me as their focus of the passions and the others there to add to their climaxes. All the while I am left without full release though I am enjoying the experience...

Places of Power Can be Places of Danger.

       Being in a hub of magical energy is like swimming in a life filled ocean.

      You may be there to to suspend time with the peaceful fauna; but where there is meat, there is predation.

       Watch for hazards and dangers.  Some attacks come from a distance and with out warning.  Some will kill upon encounter.  Others will leave the victim crippled for life.  Beware of those seeking your power and ability to sustain themselves.  Vampirism of the spirt is far more common than vampirism of blood.

Still Scared of Fiction Even When at a Mature Age.

Still Used in Sensationalized Reporting

         One would believe that these are no longer believed in our day and time. But that is not true. As a matter of fact, people of influential power still believe these hoaxes and use the sensationalism to put odd people in prisons when their only guilt was not fitting in. They did not hide who they were well enough to not find punishment at ever step of their lives.

       I sometimes ask myself if these practices (far more dangerous than those accused) will remain in vogue. But the more religious books I read, the more I think that these mind sets and practices are just as easy to be drawn to as we are to magick and the metaphysical. They think they are free while they cower; all while we feel empowered doing incantations and dressing in costume.

Happiness & Sanity Are Full Time Jobs

There are so many people that are better before they are truly known.  I once hear that "One should never have a hero younger than themselves or they will be disappointed in who they find them to be".  We also must see that all people are human and are prone to mistakes and error.

Others are simply not ready for the public.  Their lives have caused them to be too scared of everything; they are unable to see life as happy and free.  When someone real does come into their lives they feel compelled to pick the relationship apart and see all the reasons they will not be able to find happiness in it.  Many times they push away the best option for an option they feel they fit better into instead of the avenue that would be of the best benefit for them.  Some of us may not be able to see why these choices are made; but most of us have not seen the major set backs and personal pains that these people have.  Their lives have been filled with too much misery for them to know true happiness.  They have created a shell around themselves to only accept what they feel safe and comfortable accepting.  The shell only allows so much happiness before it rejects the conduit brining the pleasurable experience and sometimes we will see them reject those who intend the most good.

No amount of regular experience seems to change this thought form and process.  It will usually take many years of therapy and counseling to unlock the ability of these people to find their true ability to find happiness.  Sadly, much of their life has already passed and the bills from the therapy have caused them to have too little materially for them to actively search for their new found ably to be completely happy.  Plus, they have often already rejected several who wanted to make them happy and had the ability to do so.  They also will not return because those people did take the initiative to seek new happiness and good experiences.